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The Master of the Loose Butthole

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Super, Indeed

I should hate Tom Brady. We all should, to be honest. We’ve heard all of the stories about the diet, the supermodel wife, the deflated balls. And I ESPECIALLY should hate him. Played at Michigan (I’m a Notre Dame fan), plays in Boston (I hate all things New England except the chowder). But watching him guide his team to the most improbable victory in Super Bowl 51, well, shit, it’s kind of hard to hate him if you like winners. And he is, unequivocally, a winner.

The Falcons certainly put Brady in a great position to mount the greatest Super Bowl comeback of all time. They got “tight butthole” in the third and fourth quarter. “Tight butthole” is hard to avoid in the big game and it’s what separates guys like Tom Brady from guys like Matt Ryan. The Falcons held a 99% probability of winning last night, at several points in the game . 99%. That’s all Tom Brady needs. 1%.

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Trust me, there’s nothing I hate more this morning than writing a puff piece on Tom Freaking Brady. But you have to tip your cap. You have to. He was never even supposed to see the field. And now he’s rocking 5 Super Bowl rings, still has that dime-piece wife, and has quite possibly, the loosest butthole of all time.

via GIPHY

Patriots 34 Falcons 28